Assignment… Just another thing to do! March 14, 2011

Below are the questions that I have asked and will discuss with the staff and elder wives in a week about the book, Shopping for Time. Even if you have not read the book the questions will, or at least should, make sense.

Chapter 2: The First Tip: Rise Early

“Does your daily schedule reflect your priorities: seeking God at the outset of the day, romancing your husband, and serving your family?”

What value system do you use to decide how you use your time?

Chapter 3: The Second Tip: Sit Still

“To what degree are you actually seeking God? And What would growth in time spent with God actually look like?

Are you substituting time with God for service for God in any area of your life.

 

I wanted to take a slight detour as we continue to read and discuss the book… to look at our identity as co-heirs with Christ. I think that many of us tend to struggle pretty deeply with who we are in Christ, or what/who we are called to be. And this deeply affects how we respond to God. Please participate in the next exercise, we will be discussing it next Friday.

 

“Comments Oswald Sanders,

What a fascinating picture of Christian living this vivid picture portrays: nobility, charm, authority, wealth, freedom. Our God invites us to believe that these spiritual qualities and prerogatives may and should be enjoyed by every child of the King of Kings. If we do not manifest and enjoy them, it is not because they are beyond our reach, but only because we are living below our privileges.” Taken from Disciplines of the heart by Anne Ortlund, quoted from Spiritual Maturity.

 

Consider as yours, right now, the qualities Oswald Sanders says every child of the King should enjoy. Write beside each one how they relate to Christ’s own characteristics. Thank Him for each of these qualities and ask Him to live them out to the fullest in your life:

1. Nobility         2. Charm           3. Authority       4. Wealth          5. Freedom

 

Does your response to these line up with how you see/live your life in these areas?

What do you think?

 

Ringing in the New Year with a fresh perspective. February 4, 2011

I realize that we are already into the month of February, but the Chinese New Year was yesterday, so maybe I am not so late! :)

This year has already proven to be a stretching time for me personally. Let me explain, I tend to complain to Josh about how I am not the well rounded person I would like to be. There is never enough time in the day to get everything done, have time for myself and look put together while doing it! (Anyone hear me?) I would tell Josh, I can be really good at one or two things at a time, but to keep it all moving in the same direction, well that is another story. In light of this, Josh got me a few books to read to help me along in my journey. The first one (actually the only one I have read in its entirety up to this point) is Shopping for Time; How to Do It All and Not be Overwhelmed, by Carolyn Mahaney, et al.

This book, along with other things, have helped me to restructure my life, and reshape the intentionality with which I live. I must admit that after scanning the title of the chapters, I was not enthusiastic. Chapter 2 is… The First Tip: Rise Early (joining the 5 am club). My initial reaction was to throw the book away, but I knew that I had to give the book a chance and I am so glad that I did.

This book has more to do with priorities, then with actually getting everything done that WE want to get done. If you take a moment to look at how you live an average day or week, do you feel at peace?

The reality is, however, we don’t ofen manage the time God has granted us on this earth with the same intentionality or skill that we bring to shopping. Think for a minute:

• Do you plan ahead to maximize your fruitfulness each day, or do you simply let life happen?
• Do you make choices based on Scripture or on what feels good at the moment?
• Do you strategize to use your talents to bless your family and church, or do you employ them primarily for your own personal fulfillment?
• Do you evaluate every opportunity in light of biblical priorities, or do you do whatever it takes to get ahead?
• Do you consider whom God would have you serve, or do you try to please everyone all the time?

While we constantly- almost unconsciously- plan, evaluate, strategize, and make wise choices when shopping, we often neglect to do so with the most important matters of our lives. (All quotes from Shopping for Time are in italics)

How do you feel after reading that list? I know that immediately I was convicted of the fact that the most important things in my life, often got pushed to the back burner because of (insert any number of excuses here).

I realized that I was allowing my secondary callings to cloud my judgement and priorities in how I lived out my life. The first chapter of Misional Mom (another book Josh got for me) talks about this… “Each and every person who is a follower of Jesus shares the same calling, which at the core is not something to do but a Person to know: our calling as children of God is to know Him, first and foremost. It’s not about you. It’s about the One who calls you. Our primary calling is to be with God, to immerse ourselves in His immeasurable love and grace. Everything else flows out of this connection, which is our absolute number one priority.” Many times we take our secondary callings, those roles we have in life; mother, sister, student, co-worker, wife, and replace them with our primary calling. “As we pursue God’s mission in our lives- bearing witness to what Christ has done for us, making disciples here and around the world- we are able to see how He can use our secondary callings as channels through which His primary mission will be accomplished.” We need to use our secondary callings as platforms to connect with people to accomplish our primary calling, not to replace our primary call.

This all got me thinking, how am I to accomplish my primary calling if I am not “immersing myself in His love and grace?” Josh regularly talks about how our priorities are expressed in our lives through how we spend our time, money and talents.  I would say, of course my first priority is God… but in hindsight, the thing that was most important always ended up being squeezed into moments or just sprinkled on top in a very inconstant manner. In order for me to be on mission in my life, and use my time the most effectively, I needed to be consistently spending time reading my Bible and praying. In what other way are we guaranteed to hear from God?

Although, I have not joined the 5 am club, I am trying to regularly join the 6am club. In this way I am prioritizing my time, to first spend time with God, and then be able to make a plan for the day, in this way I am serving my family and creating more balance in my life. I have become more productive, and am allowing God the space and time to continue to make my heart more like His. Unfortunately or fortunately my excuses of too much to do and too little sleep no longer work. What is your excuse?

I am taking a group of women through this book and my goal is to post the homework/discussion topics here so that you can take the journey as well.

Sunday morning review James 1:1-4 January 8, 2011

I missed the first few minutes of the sermon, but here is the last bit of the sermon, make sure to check out tucsonrevolution.com to listen to the whole sermon.

You can do great things, but not be a christian. Do you know what test, pain, struggles and hardships do, they show your faith. Through trials your true colors come out. Your faith or lack of faith will come out through suffering.

We live like we are the one person who will not encounter trials. So when trials hit, we are totally unprepared to handle it. We forget about the pain and suffering that we cause other people.

Side note *Job*

Everything does not originate from the hand of God, but it has to pass through the hand of God.

Eight reasons God allows trials…
1. To test the strength of our faith.
2. Trials ares given to humble us, to remind us not to let our trust in God turn into presumption or spiritual self-satifaction.
3. To wean us off our dependance of worldly things. What do you trust in to make you complete.
4. To call us to our eternal and heavenly hope. It makes us long for what the gospel promises.
5. Trials reveal what we love. What thing has become more important then God? An idol is something that we look to, to do only what God can do. Here is what happens with idols… We trade one for another instead of replacing it with the gospel.
6. Teach us to value Gods blessings. Usually we make decisions based on what effects us NOW.
7. Uses trials to develop us with enduring strength for greater usefulness.
8. To enable us to better help others in their trials, but you have to be willing to allow God to redeem it.

Steadfastness leads to becoming perfect, complete and lacking nothing. The pathway to that goal is trials. Count it all joy because God is working and moving in you. When your faith is genuine then you will react differently to the trials that you have to walk through.

Sunday morning review James 1:1-4

I missed the first few minutes of the sermon, but here is the last bit of the sermon, make sure to listen to it here

You can do great things, but not be a christian. Do you know what test, pain, struggles and hardships do, they show your faith. Through trials your true colors come out. Your faith or lack of faith will come out through suffering.

We live like we are the one person who will not encounter trials. So when trials hit, we are totally unprepared to handle it. We forget about the pain and suffering that we cause other people.

Side note *Job*

Everything does not originate from the hand of God, but it has to pass through the hand of God.

Eight reasons God allows trials…
1. To test the strength of our faith.
2. Trials ares given to humble us, to remind us not to let our trust in God turn into presumption or spiritual self-satifaction.
3. To wean us off our dependance of worldly things. What do you trust in to make you complete.
4. To call us to our eternal and heavenly hope. It makes us long for what the gospel promises.
5. Trials reveal what we love. What thing has become more important then God? An idol is something that we look to, to do only what God can do. Here is what happens with idols… We trade one for another instead of replacing it with the gospel.
6. Teach us to value Gods blessings. Usually we make decisions based on what effects us NOW.
7. Uses trials to develop us with enduring strength for greater usefulness.
8. To enable us to better help others in their trials, but you have to be willing to allow God to redeem it.

Steadfastness leads to becoming perfect, complete and lacking nothing. The pathway to that goal is trials. Count it all joy because God is working and moving in you. When your faith is genuine then you will react differently to the trials that you have to walk through.

Relationship Rules… #4 October 25, 2010

#4 NEVER make fun, or joke at your spouses expense.

I know that this may sound simple… well, actually, it is, but I am always surprised at how many couples joke at the other’s expense. It is almost like they are too afraid to talk through something, or they don’t even know they are doing it… what if instead of tearing down your spouse in front of other people you tried building them up. What may be “just joking” to you, most likely has some truth to it, which is why it hurts your spouses feelings.

Sunday Morning Review: Is Jesus Really God? Phil. 2:5-11 October 24, 2010

Have you ever heard someone say that all religions are the same; that is doesn’t matter what they call “God” or how they get to “God”, but ther is just one God with many religions???

Josh talked last night about this very topic… he said that the biggest distinction between all of the religions is what they believe about Jesus. This will be the fork in the road up the mountain to God that will decide who gets up the “mountain” to God.

It does not matter what you believe about the Bible until you decide what to do with Jesus? Do you believe he is who he said he is? Listen here to find out who Jesus is and why the cross matters.

Relationship Rule #3: What are you talking about? September 23, 2010

#3 Learn what you are really talking about. Communication is key.

*Warning: Personal Story* I don’t know why I gave you a warning; other then I thought it would be funny! Josh and I are imperfect people, and this was no more apparent then when we were engaged and during our first year of marriage. I will speak from my perspective, because that is the only perspective I have. When Josh and I got engaged, God was really doing a number on my heart and life, He was replacing my views with His, and a heart transplant is never easy. I came into our marriage with a lot of hurts, hang-ups and silly expectations. Josh was probably expecting me to be more like him, read that emotionally stable! The first year of our marriage was filled with tears… what we realized was that when I was reacting out of proportion to the situation at hand, I was really reacting to a lie I believed about myself, or a past hurt that had not healed.

Pause here to think through the last time you withdrew or blew up and the situation did not warrant the response. Why? What were you responding to? What hurt is plaguing how you feel about yourself, or the people around you? Now ask God to work in your life to heal that hurt, and know that you are not alone, God is walking, no, carrying you through it.

We started to realize that the faster we could decode our anger or hurt the faster we could move on and really know each other.

Typical couple argument: (This is totally made up)

Female: (exasperated tone) Why are your socks on the floor next to the hamper, instead of in the hamper?

Male: (somewhat distracted by the tv) Isn’t that close enough for you. (note the sarcasm)

Female: Well, it is obvious by the way you do what I ask you to, that you only see me as a maid…

Male: (now fully engaged) A maid, huh? Well, I wouldn’t pay you to keep up with the house like you do. Would you just get off my back?

Female: (starting to get indignant) If I stopped doing what I do then the house would look like a frat house.

Male: Now those were the days, no ball and chain…

Decoding the Female: She probably is frustrated by the little things that her spouse does or doesn’t do, but what is going on below the surface? Control maybe her thing… She maybe reacting to a situation in her past that she had no control over, also, she is probably questioning her worth, calling herself a maid.

Decoding the Male: First, he probably doesn’t want to be bothered while watching tv, but he is probably hurt because she is not approaching him in a respectful way, as well as nagging him, which will of course remind him of being scolded by his mother. He already has one, and does not want another.

One of the hardest things for me to overcome was the tape (cd/mp3) that played over and over in my head that said, “You are not worth anyone’s love, outside of what you can earn. You are not enough to love on your own merit, and you are too much to deal with because of your baggage. You are not lovable and will never be able to give or receive love.” Most of my adolescence and into adulthood, I was looking for myself, but believed that to find myself it needed to come out of someone else’s love and expectations for me. You can see how this would taint any interaction that I had with Josh, at the drop of a hat I believed that if he was frustrated with me, it was because I was too much and he did not love me. Thankfully, by the grace of God, that tape has slowly changed, I still fall back into some of those beliefs every now and then, but that is not my normal. My new tape reads more like this: I am a beloved daughter of God, and because of His infinite love was adopted into His family. My worth lies not in what I am or what I do, but who He is in me. I am whole and complete in Him. I am whole in Him…

My soapbox and prayer is that you can find yourself fully in Him. That the lies you believe can be replaced by His truth. Like I said yesterday, you will be paralyzed until you find healing.

Side note: In order to communicate well, you need to figure out how you both argue and then work with it. Josh normally likes room and space to think before we have a discussion, where I just want to talk it out. So sometimes we talk it out right there, and sometimes we wait. I have also learned that there are better times to bring up issues then others. It is extremely hard for me, but I try to wait until an appropriate time to bring up something that is bothering me.

Relationship Rule #2: Deal with your Junk. September 22, 2010

#2 Deal with your Junk.

Josh and I realized very quickly that if we did not deal with the past hurts and hang-ups in our individual lives, we would never be able to move forward in our relationship. We would always be playing with a short deck.

You have to know yourself, but for that to happen you have to be okay with who you are and what you bring to the table. You cannot continue to live out of the expectations of others, or a desire to please anyone, outside of Jesus. Healing in Christ allows you to see yourself as whole in Him, and when we are able to do this then you are freed to give yourself unselfishly to your mate and those around you.

If you are harboring past hurts then you will always react out of those wounds (more on this tomorrow). Josh and I watch people and relationships all of the time, in an effort to learn what to do and not to do in relationships and life. A specific couple comes to mind: they got married very young, to escape their family lives, and then moved around frequently because of the military. After we met them it became apparent that they still treated each other like they were wounded 19 year olds, although they had high school age kids. They were not on the same page, and frequently would back bite each other in front of us. They took out their frustration with each other on those in leadership around them. They were not able to deal with conflict, and either blew up at it (the husband) or would pretend that it was not there (the wife). They kept their lives SO busy with good things that they did not have time to sit and deal with themselves. They used the relationships around them to give them meaning and fill their wounds.

The sad thing is, you will NEVER reach your full potential if you are paralyzed by the lies that you believe about yourself or those around you. Shake off those chains, and find freedom in Christ to become yourself.

Why teachers have sex with students, and relationships don’t last… September 17, 2010

My neighbor just told me that a former middle school coach, in our school district, was accused of performing a sexual act on a 15 year old student. Earlier this summer a high school English teacher was arrested for having sexual contact with a student. Is there a way to prevent this?

What about the numerous relationships that end because of unfaithfulness? or porn addiction? or jealousy?

The answer: Boundaries…

Whenever Josh performs a wedding, we meet with the couple and do a series of premarital counseling sessions. This process is usually fun because it allows Josh and I to look back at our relationship, as well as help the couple we are working with get started on the right foot. Of course we always share our “Relationship Rules”. These are a list of unofficial Rules that Josh and I have put into place over the course of our marriage to help safeguard our relationship, and help to make it run more smoothly. So I thought that I would put together an unofficial list of “Relationship Rules”, these are by no means meant for everyone, or should be applied across the board, but hopefully they will help you to think through your relationship or non-relationship and help you to think through what boundaries you should have in your life. Enjoy!

“Relationship Rule ” #1: No (or limited) relationships with people of the opposite sex.

First and foremost severe contact with all past flames and boy/girlfriends. If you are in contact with one, my first question would be why. What do you gain from continuing a friendship with them? It will probably make your spouse jealous, even if they say they aren’t, and they will always appear better then your spouse. You call the old flame and vent about an argument you just had with your husband, that person will tend to side with you, and be a listening ear, which will put a wedge in between you  and your spouse. Not worth it.

There really does not seem to be an upside… So delete all past flames from your facebook, email and skype. Wish them well, but put all of your energy into making your current relationship as amazing as it can be.

This will be a series of posts… so buckle your seatbelt and watch for more. If nothing else you will be amused.

The Fall is coming! It is time to break out the apple dips! August 31, 2010

Below are two of my favorite fall recipes I hope you enjoy.

Carmel Apple Dip

1 cup butterscotch chips

1 can sweetened condensed milk

1/4 tsp salt

2 tsp white vinegar

1/4 – 1/2 tsp cinnamon

mix/melt chips, milk and salt over low/med heat. remove from heat, add vinegar and cinnamon. serve warm, and with apples of course.

Toffee Apple dip

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

8 oz cream cheese

1 bag of toffee bits (I have not had luck finding toffee bits at any store but albertson’s here in Tucson, so sometimes I will just buy a six pack of heath bar and crush them. I usually add more then what is called for in the recipe, but who is counting?)

mix well, serve chilled