After last weekends sermon, I have talked to and heard from many people, especially women, who carry around baggage and have become quite comfortable with it. The hurts and pain that they carry around have become such a part of how they operate, that they no longer know their true selves. Does this describe you? Do you feel whole? Do you feel like you have innate worth and can offer something to the world?
What does the process look like to peel back all of the false selves and to find our true self? Can we actually become whole? Is there hope?
When I was going through the dark alley of discovering who I was in Christ, I clung onto this passage: Ezekiel 11: 19b “And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh”. My desire was to feel and not break down; to feel and not crumple into a mess on the floor. I so badly wanted to know love, and feel like I was worthy of love, not a cheap imitation of it; but a true, I think that you are gorgeous and worth the world to me kind of love. And so I clung, when there was no strength left, to the promises of God; that He intended life abundantly for me, that He was not done with me yet, that He had a plan for my life, that His burden was light and I could cast mine onto Him, that He would hold me and sing over my broken places.
When you have nothing left, you have just started the hard work of your journey. SO PLEASE DO NOT MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY TO ALLOW GOD TO HEAL THOSE BROKEN IN YOUR LIFE. Begin the process of figuring out why you think the way that you do, and replace all the lies with the truth of God.
Stop living your life in a way that leaves you empty, while you try to gain acceptance and love through filling other people’s cups. It is exhausting and it DOES NOT have to be this way.
To give yourself fully to God and eventually to your husband, you will have to do the hard work of finding yourself and forgiving others. I pray for you right now, knowing that your road has not been easy, that you have been attacked, and that you desperately desire to be cherished. Fall in a heap on the floor, cry out to God and allow Him the time to speak to your soul, so that when you stand, you stand as your true self. Fight for it. Do not give up.