This past Saturday, Josh and I taught together in Part 4 our series I Want a New Marriage. We used the book His Needs, Her Needs as the framework for our talk. This week as a way of following that up, I’ll be doing posts through that book, some of the things we said, how to figure out if this is a need your spouse has, how you are doing at meeting that need and how this applies to your relationship.
You can listen to it here.
I’ll be looking specifically at his needs and how a wife fulfills those needs. To see her needs and how a husband fulfills those, check out Josh’s blog.
Need #2 Recreational Companionship:
- “It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join men in pursuing their interests. They find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching movies they would never have chosen on their own. After marriage wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own liking. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities without them. I consider that option very dangerous to a marriage, because men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions.”
- So do you still do things that you make not choose to do, just to be close to and spend time with your husband?
- Have you tried to clean up your husband’s act? Making him shave, wash his clothes, change his language etc. If you try to do this to his recreational interests, he may feel like you are trying to cramp his style and take away his sense of identity. If you don’t participate in activities with him, some of his most enjoyable activities are done without, you, his wife present.
- Instead of making steady love deposits by having fun together, the couple with completely separate recreational interests misses a golden opportunity. They often spend some of their most enjoyable moments in the company of someone else, with the distinct possibility of allowing another person to fulfill the emotional needs of you and/or your spouse.
- Sometimes you have the option of deciding what is more important, a certain activity or the quality of your marriage. Do you have activities that not only distract from, but take away from the quality of your marriage?
- Try brainstorming some activities that you both enjoy and can do together.
- When you enjoy an activity and can share that experience with your spouse, you will associate those good feelings with him and thus your love grows. If your husband shares those feelings with someone else, he will risk developing love for another woman.
- The couple that plays together stays together.
- Boundaries will help to establish ground rules for people that you do spend time with when you are not around your husband. Do you or your spouse spend time alone, one-on-one, with the opposite sex?
All quotes are taken from His Needs Her Needs; by Willard F. Harley Jr.