This past Saturday, Josh and I taught together in Part 4 our series I Want a New Marriage. We used the book His Needs, Her Needs as the framework for our talk. This week as a way of following that up, I’ll be doing posts through that book, some of the things we said, how to figure out if this is a need your spouse has, how you are doing at meeting that need and how this applies to your relationship.
You can listen to it here.
I’ll be looking specifically at his needs and how a wife fulfills those needs. To see her needs and how a husband fulfills those, check out Josh’s blog.
Need #3: An Attractive Spouse
- What I am saying: How much care do you take about the way that you look? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do you try to present yourself in the same way that you did when you were dating? Do you take into consideration what your husband likes.
- What I am NOT saying: You have to look like Barbie, or a super model. You have to look the same way that you did when you got married (Pre-kids, 5, 10, 15 years ago), but you do need to TRY.
- Just because your husband wants you to look nice does not mean that he is shallow. If you have the emotional need for affection you do not see that as trivial, just like if your husband has the emotional need for an attractive spouse it is not trivial to him. You need to take it seriously.
- You have to remember that when your husband works, watches tv, and goes about his daily life he is inundated with women who take time to look the best that they can look. Take time to at least brush your teeth and put on deodorant. That is all that he is asking of you, to care. You will never look like the airbrushed models, because in real life, they don’t even look like their pictures.
- Just because he loves you for you doesn’t mean he doesn’t care what you look like. You may want him to love you for what is on the inside, but you still need to be attractive to him on the outside.
- Again, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you do not need to look like a beauty queen everyday, plus wearing a crown and sash would get redundant, unless you are only wearing a crown and sash. I simply mean that you should try to look the way your husband likes you to look. You should resemble the women he married.
- A man with the need for an attractive spouse feels good whenever he looks at his attractive wife, why not deposit love units whenever you can.
- Your husband is worth it. Consult him when you are making a change or getting your hair cut, because isn’t that the whole idea, to be attractive to him?
- A word about modesty.
- If you know how to make your spouse feel good, doesn’t it make sense to go ahead and do it-whenever you can?
- Underwear drawer take time to re-evaluate each year. Replace old worn out underwear with things that he likes. What does he like? Ask him.