#2 Deal with your Junk.
Josh and I realized very quickly that if we did not deal with the past hurts and hang-ups in our individual lives, we would never be able to move forward in our relationship. We would always be playing with a short deck.
You have to know yourself, but for that to happen you have to be okay with who you are and what you bring to the table. You cannot continue to live out of the expectations of others, or a desire to please anyone, outside of Jesus. Healing in Christ allows you to see yourself as whole in Him, and when we are able to do this then you are freed to give yourself unselfishly to your mate and those around you.
If you are harboring past hurts then you will always react out of those wounds (more on this tomorrow). Josh and I watch people and relationships all of the time, in an effort to learn what to do and not to do in relationships and life. A specific couple comes to mind: they got married very young, to escape their family lives, and then moved around frequently because of the military. After we met them it became apparent that they still treated each other like they were wounded 19 year olds, although they had high school age kids. They were not on the same page, and frequently would back bite each other in front of us. They took out their frustration with each other on those in leadership around them. They were not able to deal with conflict, and either blew up at it (the husband) or would pretend that it was not there (the wife). They kept their lives SO busy with good things that they did not have time to sit and deal with themselves. They used the relationships around them to give them meaning and fill their wounds.
The sad thing is, you will NEVER reach your full potential if you are paralyzed by the lies that you believe about yourself or those around you. Shake off those chains, and find freedom in Christ to become yourself.